High School Dropout Thoroughly Convinced He Is Smarter Than Harvard Professor

Gadsden, AL – Robert Hodge, a busboy/dishwasher at a Denny’s in Northeastern Alabama, took to Twitter today to call former Harvard Professor and current Senator Elizabeth Warren a “stupid fucking libtard cunt that’s should get a refund on her JD degree.”

“Yeah, I let that liberal Liawatha bitch have it,” said Hodge during a smoke break during the dinner rush. “I’m just so sick of these people with educations and degrees acting like they know it all. It’s just a piece of paper ya know?”

He also took to both Twitter and Facebook to call Democrat candidates things such “DemoRats,” “Feminazis” and “Snowflakes.” He has managed to troll many opponents of current Senatorial Candidate Roy Moore by calling them “Blue-Pilled Sheeple.”

“All these coastal elites think they’re so smart,” he said. “But it’s just that they’re so brainwashed by the mainstream media. I get my news from the real media. I watch and read stuff from Breitbart, Fox News, and Infowars. Those are the only sources telling people the truth!”

Despite never attaining at High School Diploma or GED, Hodge is completely convinced he could do a better job running the country than some of our  former leaders.

“Barack Obama was nothing but a lazy, stupid ni- black guy,” he said. “Well, I shouldn’t say that. He was pretty smart for a black guy, but he’s still dumb compared to me.”

“I’m just glad we finally got a president with some sense. One who’s going to lower taxes, ban Muslims and execute queers.”

When it was pointed out that President Trump hasn’t been able to do any of these things despite his party controlling all three branches of the federal government, he shouted “Fake News” before reentering the Denny’s to clean up chocolate milk spilled by a toddler.

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Letter to my Representatives

Dear Congressman Gibbs and Senator Portman,

With the attention being given to tax reform by both Congress and the media, I feel it is important to voice my opinion on the matter. I’m hoping I will have a few views that you may not have heard or considered regarding this debate and I sincerely hope you will receive them with an open mind.

I’m not opposed to the idea of tax reform. There are certain aspects of this debate I think merit attention. I strongly support making our tax code simpler and easier. I also like the idea of ending loopholes that allow American companies to shift profits overseas and ending subsidies that allow poor businesses to continue at taxpayer expense. It’s well past time we make a few changes.

I also like the idea of paying a lower tax, I would drop from the 15 percent bracket to 12 percent, but I don’t like the idea of adding 1.5 trillion dollars to the national debt. This seems like an extremely irresponsible and selfish thing to do at the moment. There is no economic crisis or cold war going on that could justify passing this tab to our children. I have a three-year-old daughter and I can’t help but think to pass a tax cut that would add to what she will have to pay would be like taking her out to eat at McDonald’s and then making her pay for everyone’s meal.

I have other qualms about this plan. I know the chief argument for it is that it will create enough growth pay for itself, but aside from the fact that there is no evidence or such a thing happening in the past the president himself recently tweeted that unemployment is somewhere near 4 percent and the stock market is higher than it has ever been. There really isn’t any need to stimulate growth or give our economy a “shot in the arm.” It’s also possible that adding to the debt may increase inflation, so while I would be receiving more money from my paycheck it would be worth less.

My second concern comes from the effect of these cuts on the future of our country. There has been talk of investing in our infrastructure, but no concrete plans have been laid out as to how it will be paid for. I’m also concerned about the effects this could have on other government-funded programs such as Medicaid (which both my girlfriend and mother use) and education.

I’m really concerned about what this tax plan and future budgets could mean for my income-based student loan repayment plan. Not only does this program allow me to pay my mortgage, health insurance, bills and groceries; it also allows me to put aside a few dollars every month into a savings plan so I can someday send my daughter to college.

The most important thing we can do right now is to make this a better world for our children. I may not be a small business owner or the chairman of a Super PAC, but I am one of your constituents. When considering the effects of tax reform I don’t think we should be looking at how it will affect us, but how it will affect those we care most about.

Thank you,

Zachariah T Baer