High School Dropout Thoroughly Convinced He Is Smarter Than Harvard Professor

Gadsden, AL – Robert Hodge, a busboy/dishwasher at a Denny’s in Northeastern Alabama, took to Twitter today to call former Harvard Professor and current Senator Elizabeth Warren a “stupid fucking libtard cunt that’s should get a refund on her JD degree.”

“Yeah, I let that liberal Liawatha bitch have it,” said Hodge during a smoke break during the dinner rush. “I’m just so sick of these people with educations and degrees acting like they know it all. It’s just a piece of paper ya know?”

He also took to both Twitter and Facebook to call Democrat candidates things such “DemoRats,” “Feminazis” and “Snowflakes.” He has managed to troll many opponents of current Senatorial Candidate Roy Moore by calling them “Blue-Pilled Sheeple.”

“All these coastal elites think they’re so smart,” he said. “But it’s just that they’re so brainwashed by the mainstream media. I get my news from the real media. I watch and read stuff from Breitbart, Fox News, and Infowars. Those are the only sources telling people the truth!”

Despite never attaining at High School Diploma or GED, Hodge is completely convinced he could do a better job running the country than some of our  former leaders.

“Barack Obama was nothing but a lazy, stupid ni- black guy,” he said. “Well, I shouldn’t say that. He was pretty smart for a black guy, but he’s still dumb compared to me.”

“I’m just glad we finally got a president with some sense. One who’s going to lower taxes, ban Muslims and execute queers.”

When it was pointed out that President Trump hasn’t been able to do any of these things despite his party controlling all three branches of the federal government, he shouted “Fake News” before reentering the Denny’s to clean up chocolate milk spilled by a toddler.

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Oh Say Can You Stand

Freedom means something different to just about everyone. For some, it might be not having a nagging wife. Others prioritize financial independence or not being incarcerated. Many folks nowadays seem to equate freedom with owning fully automatic assault rifles with unlimited ammunition or not buying health insurance.

To me, the freedoms guaranteed in the first amendment* of the United States Constitution are the most important. In my opinion, without the freedom to say your government is wrong you have no freedom.

If you couldn’t tell where I was going with this, I fully support the right of NFL players to take a knee in protest. I wouldn’t want to live in a country where I had to stand every time the national anthem was played, or I saw a flag. And I certainly wouldn’t want to have to hang a picture of the leader in my home.**

Unfortunately, this means I also support the rights of neo-Nazis and klansmen to march around with tiki torches and shout about how they hate Jews. If freedom of speech doesn’t protect speech I don’t agree with it isn’t really freedom. (Of course, it shouldn’t protect hate speech. You shouldn’t be able to tell an autidorium full of your supporters to rough up protesters, but that’s a whole other discussion.)

But while I fully support the rights of players to protest their government and sypathize with their cause, I’m not sure I agree with the method.

I hate to say that. I’d really like to see the US have an open and honest discussion about the systematic racism and oppression going on every day. But that’s not what’s happening. Kneeling hasn’t started the conversation it needed to. It’s just driven a wedge into an already divided nation.

While I find it difficult to hear the stories of Freddie Gray, Michael Brown and Tamir Rice without feeling a sense of outrage at what appears to be injustice, others dig in their heels and say these people were thugs who got what they deserved.

While I worry about the world my daughter will grow up in when I see a video of a black teenage girl pulled out of her desk at school and slammed to the floor by an adult police officer, others say, ‘well you don’t know the whole story. She must have done something to provoke that.’^

 

Yes, I see many problems with policing in this country. And I see many problems with racism in this country. While I have eyes I intend to use them. Even Stevie Wonder can see what’s happening.

But while I salute those players taking a stand (or knee) I don’t feel optimistic that it will change anything. Just like Sinead O’Conner ripping up the picture of Pope John Pall II didn’t make a damn bit of difference, I don’t see the current protests doing much good. We’re all aware of the problem, but a surprising number of people just don’t care.

I sure hope I’m wrong. I hope we can start that discussion. If there’s any way I can help I hope someone will let me know. I’d like for this to be a country worth standing up for, but at the moment; I’ll take a knee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*”Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

**Unless it was Bill Clinton. And he was nude.

^By the way, if you can give me a reason that convinces me it’s OK for a grown man to strike, slap, slam or otherwise beat on a teenage girl I will pay you all of the money and property I own. You may find it somewher near ‘reasons it’s OK to beat your wife’ or ‘good reasons to hate someone based on skin color’ or in the drawer titled ‘Things That Don’t Exist.’

How to Tell If You’re A Racist: Part 1

The other day I overheard three guys talking for half an hour about how not racist they were. I didn’t have the heart to point out that people who aren’t racist don’t need to engage in these conversations, but couldn’t help notice the irony

It is somewhat strange to hear a group of white guys talking about how racism is over and everyone should get over it. I’m guessing they’re probably not experts on the subject.

But then again, maybe they were just practicing for their upcoming Fox News show. “Three Straight White Guys.” I can see it now. They’ll discuss the hot-button issues of the day and provide fair and balanced commentary.

“Tonight on Three Straight White Guys, the gang tackles racism. they say it’s over. Will anyone disagree? Not anyone we let on this station. Later in the week they’ll talk sexism, but only for the men. You get your sweet ass in the kitchen and cook us a meatloaf sugar-tits. Then next week we’ll discuss those whiny Indians. We stole your land like 800 years ago. And God wanted us to have it so get over it crybabies…

… All this and more, only on Three Straight White Guys.”

Check local listings.

 

A Little Late

 

I guess that by 2017 you’d think this is a conversation that we would have gotten over. Come on, the Confederacy fell over 150 years ago (after existing for only four years and never gaining international recognition). Even the Nazi party was defeated over seventy years ago.

Are you noticing a pattern here? White supremacists poke their heads out for a little while, start some trouble and get their asses kicked.

Have you noticed that none of the people from the alt-right who bemoaned all the ‘political correctness’ in our culture are bitching about the term ‘white nationalist.’

If you’re unsure ‘white nationalist’ is just a euphemism for Nazi or Klansmen.