The Biggest Surprise

After six months the only thing that surprises me about the Trump Administration is that people are still surprised.

Come on people, what did you think was going to happen?

If you hire the host of a reality show to run the government, people are going to get voted off the island. Weren’t you expecting that?

Did everyone forget that Trump’s main selling point was that he wasn’t a politician? Electing someone who isn’t a politician is kind of like hiring a dishwasher to fix your car. Or a pastry chef to perform brain surgery. Or a toddler to teach quantum mechanics. Or a … you get the picture.

But all joking and complaining aside I do have to give him some credit. He is governing exactly the way he campaigned: by blaming everything on Obama and deflecting all of his failures and shortcomings to Hilary’s emails.

News flash, just because Hilary fucked up that doesn’t give you a green light to make the same mistakes.

Man up and do your fucking job.


Words vs Actions

I’ve often heard ‘actions speak louder than words,’ but like with many other things in life I’m finding this does not extend to the world of politics. In politics it doesn’t matter much what you do so much as how you speak. If you aren’t able to accomplish your goals there are plenty of scapegoats, and then you can just go right back on your speaking tour.


I didn’t notice this until Donald Trump succeeded Barack Obama. The thing that really brought it to my attention was the way both men deal with terrorism and the ongoing Syrian conflict. From what I can tell, the only difference in their approaches is that while Obama would quietly execute drone strikes and remain low key about American involvement in the area, Trump is full of bluster and bombast about “extreme vetting” and “radical Islamic terrorism.”


From what I can tell Trump’s method of referring to ISIS as “radical Islamic terrorists” hasn’t been any more effective than the drone warfare conducted by the Obama administration. And I’m not sure where the idea that we are just letting refugees into our country like through a revolving door came from. They were already subject to extreme vetting. It would be ridiculous to not look into the background of people we invite into our country and I haven’t heard anyone say we shouldn’t be cautious. The only difference in the approaches has to do with the rhetoric, which now makes us seem like total assholes.


Something I’d like to see more from Republicans is pragmatism. Maybe I just haven’t come across bloggers and pundits with critical thinking skills, but it’s hard to take the Trump cheerleaders seriously. I couldn’t take Obama cheerleaders seriously. His expansion of drone warfare, the massive surveillance of the NSA and his avoidance of releasing documents under the Freedom of Information act were a few of his policies I didn’t completely agree with, but I don’t regret voting for him.


But Obama never went on television and lambasted the media, the intelligence community and anyone who disagreed with him. Most of his actions aligned with his words and any policies I disagree with he had good reasons for pursuing. Trump is actively seeking to destroy the working-class voters who put him in office. He’s championing a healthcare bill that will charge more for less coverage, rolling back environmental and labor protections and working on tax reform that I’m sure will disproportionately benefit the upper 1 percent.


The crazy thing is how many people still support him because of what he says. And will continue to support him no matter what he does.


It’s important to look at what politicians do, especially the ones we’re prone to agree with. We can all agree that Hillary Clinton mishandled classified information with her private email server. I’ll admit that was a massive mistake on her part though I supported her in the last election. However, it’s important to note I didn’t support the guy who appointed someone working for the Turkish government to the National Security Council.


Whose actions were more detrimental?


Things That Make You Go Hmmm… 2

With the recent terrorist attack in England, the focus from the Trump administration has been on the controversial travel ban. The Supreme Tangerine has taken to Twitter try and make the case. Unfortunately, he isn’t making much headway into anything but showing us just what bad taste looks like.*

But there are a few things about this proposed travel ban I find a little odd. Wasn’t it supposed to be for 90 days so they could ‘review vetting procedures’? It’s now been about 120 days; what the hell have they been doing? I heard a news report saying the judges blocking of the executive order must have extended to the review process, but you’d think they could get something done.

Of course, we all know what Donald Trump has been doing:

I’m not sure how this is supposed to protect us from terrorism. I guess he must know something I don’t.

And my other question is why didn’t Trump just lie about having a credible threat from one of the countries on the ban? This is a man who has lied about the size of his inauguration crowd, electoral victory and penis on national television; you’d think if it was that damn important he’d just make something up.

I’m one of those pinko-commie-liberal snowflake types, but if I were to hear there was a credible threat from one of these countries I’d probably be OK with something like this. If it was to serve some purpose (as the recent ban on laptop computers on airplanes did) it would make sense, but I have the impression that a few racists just sat around a table and asked: “Which of these Muslim countries don’t give us any money?”

I’m a First Amendment nut. Freedom of religion is one of the most important things in the world to me. I find any law that discriminates based on religion completely reprehensible and un-American, but if there’s a credible threat from Somalia we should exercise caution and protect ourselves.

This doesn’t have a damn thing to do with national security. It’s all about posturing.

I can’t believe more people don’t see it. I don’t believe Donald Trump wants the world to be a safe place. I think he loves these terrorist attacks. You know why? He wants everyone to be scared and then tell them he’s the only one who can protect them.

His message from the beginning has been ‘Trust me. I’ll protect you.’

And you know what? That’s the biggest lie he’s ever told.




*A human version of Chester Cheetah


Trump WILL make US #1 Again!

Most of the promises Donald Trump made on the campaign trail were complete and utter bullshit. He’s not bringing back coal jobs (or any jobs), he’s not building the wall and making Mexico pay for it, and I doubt he has any idea what he’ll replace Obamacare with. I’m not sure if people actually believed this crap or if they just wanted it to be true so badly they voted for a morally bankrupt demagogue who was the least qualified person in a field of twenty-some candidates.

But there is one area he is delivering on his promises. He promised to make us number one again. He’s done more to make the US number one than anything. Thanks to Trump we are now number one among racists, sexists, homophobes, and antisemites. We’re also seeing an enormous drop in illegal immigration and tourism just on the strength of his words!

Brazil may still have more corruption than us. If their corruption is bad enough to warrant news coverage in the states it must be horrible, but I’m sure we’ll catch up.

And now that we’re pulling out of the Paris Accord we’re on track to become the number one emitter of fossil fuels on the planet. It will be hard to overtake China, they have abount four times the population we do, but with some good old-fashioned elbow grease and American know-how we’ll be spewing CO2 out of power plants faster than you can say “Global Warming is a liberal conspiracy.”

I heard that a recent study named Niger the worst place in the world to be a child, but give us a minute. We’ll let them be number one – for now.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm…


The best line from the movie Philadelphia is when Denzel Washington’s character asks a potential client to explain his reasoning for a lawsuit like he’s a six-year-old.

So help me out. Explain it to me like I’m a six-year-old.

How come I have heard about nothing but Hilary Clinton’s emails for the past four years, but now that there are daily reports of ethics violations, conspiracy and abuse of power by the person who is actually in the White House, I’m being told that it’s all “fake news,”“the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!” and just a scheme to obstruct Trumps virtuous agenda.

If we’re going to spend millions of dollars investigating Benghazi and a private email server we can spend a few hundred thousand to investigate how involved the Trump campaign was with Russia’s tampering of our election.

If there’s nothing there, fine. But with as many people who have resigned, been fired or recused themselves from investigations I find it highly damn unlikely.

And why is it that people who don’t trust the media and say they have their own agenda blindly follow someone like Trump?

I mean, sure the media have their own agenda. Everyone has an agenda. But just because one group has a goal they’re trying to achieve doesn’t mean another group doesn’t. People need to realize that things aren’t just black and white. There’s an awful lot of gray in this world.

Think about it for a minute. What makes more sense: That all news organizations (aside from Breitbart and Fox News), the Deep State, Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton are part of a massive underground conspiratorial smear campaign against President Trump,

or that Trump is just an asshole?

I know which seems more credible to me.

Now, I’m not saying he’s guilty, was personally involved or that we should lock him up, but I think there’s cause for the investigation to go forward. If he’s innocent there’s nothing to worry about, but if not I sure hope there are some dire consequences.

As he said, “Do we have a country, or do we not have a country?” If the United States is willing to allow a foreign country to meddle in our election; well, we don’t have a country anymore.



Trump Promises “Big, Beautiful Scandal”

Washington- President Trump promised voters a “big, beautiful scandal” that will be announced by the end of the week.

“It will be, I believe, the biggest scandal in American history,” said Trump. “Bigger than Sally Hemmings, Lincoln’s sexual preference or Calvin Coolidge’s Cocker Spaniel put together. It will be bigger than Watergate. It will be so big that after this we’ll have a new suffix to replace -gate on political scandals.”

President Trump has been facing serious backlash for his firing of FBI Director James Comeyand spilling government secrets to Russian officials. He hopes this new revelation will take the focus off other scandals.

“It’s going to be so yuge that people at my rallies (which are the biggest rallies ever held, bigger than Stalin’s or Castro’s rallies) will begin yelling ‘Lock him up!'” bragged the obviously confused chief executive. “Even sycophants like Paul Ryan and Bob Gibbs are going to be shouting ‘Lock him up!'”

Speaker Paul Ryan disagrees, saying he’s been working on his own scandal with Vice President Mike Pence and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum involving the recreation of the famous ‘bring out the gimp’ scene from Pulp Fiction.

“This is going to be bigger than my firing Comey for investigating collusion between my campaign and Russia, or not backing me on the Obama wiretapping claim, or my spills of sensitive information.”

White House spokesman Sean Spicer could not be reached for comment as he was hiding behind an azalea bush in the Rose Garden.

In the president’s defense, everything he touches appears large to him because of his tiny baby hands.

Women Take First Steps Toward Legislating Male Bodies

Michele Bachmann looks like a crazy person.
Michele Bachmann looks like a crazy person.

Washington – Former US Representative Michele Bachmann is making news from retirement by promoting a policy that marks a complete reversal of her pro-life values. She’s lobbying congress to pass a law that would outlaw vasectomies for men under 40.

“When I saw all of these Liberals complaining about ‘a roomful of men legislating a woman’s body’ I knew I had to do something,” said the 4 time congresswoman and crazy person. “Maybe it is time for women to start making decisions about men’s bodies. Who are you to say whether or not a sperm is alive? If we allow men to have vasectomies we literally kill millions of sperm.”

While Bachmann’s knowledge of what occurs during a vasectomy is questionable, her knowledge of eugenics is not.

“This is a law that would only apply to white men. We would completely outlaw the procedure for blonde haired, blue eyed men because their genes are special and can trace their origins back to Jesus,” she said, without a trace of irony. “But all the other races could have the procedure any time they like. We should probably force Mexicans and blacks to do it just so they stop reproducing. Are there more of them than us now? I know they’re getting pretty close.”

Several leaders of the black and Hispanic communities were reached for comment, but declined to take anything Bachmann said seriously.

Bachmann has also broken with the GOP over the implementation of the “Mexico City Rule” which bans government funding to groups that perform or discuss abortions abroad.

“We need to have the rest of the world getting abortions. At least all the Muslim and African countries. How else is the white man going to rise again? Abortions and terrorism are Gods way of punishing Muslims for worshiping a false god.”

It was at this point that the last reporter left the room. Seriously, I can’t deal with this crazy woman anymore.

Finally, women are trying to get even