Palm Beach, FL – President Trump held a press conference yesterday amid the blowing winds of Hurricane Irma where he blamed his predecessor for multiple natural disasters facing the U.S.
“Look at this crowd, this is a great crowd,” he told the hundred-some people gathered in a shelter to escape the rains and winds outside. “This is a bigger crowd than Obama ever got for a photo op in a disaster area, but the lying media won’t tell you that.”
Trump then lashed out at ‘fake news’ outlets for about twenty minutes. He told the crowd that they could believe anything positive that was written about him in the press, but that any criticism was ‘fake news.’
He then made the statement that Hurricanes Harvey and Irma were part of a deep state conspiracy to try and undermine his presidency.
“You know,” he said. “There are a lot of Obama appointees still working at the National Hurricane Center and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. After all that I’ve been through with my microwave being tapped and this fake Russian witch hunt it wouldn’t surprise me if some bureaucrats cooked up these storms to try to make me look bad.”
He then stated that wildfires in the American West were started by Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails, droughts in the Dakotas were started by Bernie Sanders and a giant fan, and his high cholesterol is the responsibility of former Commissioner of Food and Drugs Margaret A. Hamburg, M.D.
“Everything is a conspiracy. Don’t trust anyone! Except me. You can trust me. I’ll sell you the best car. It’ll be the best used car you’ve ever had. Definitely not a lemon. You’ll get tired of how not a lemon this car is.”
The president continued to speak for about an hour and a half and never seemed to notice the water seeping into the building and rising. Threatening to engulf him and his entire administration.